You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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