I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
