Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Green mimosas i think yes
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
