No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
