Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I fill condoms, not promises.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
