i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
