So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
