Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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