Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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