Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
