I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
