I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
