the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
