you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize