I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize