It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
