Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
