Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
