my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
