The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I cut my penus on the lid.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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