my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
