take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
