Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
