actually, I'm a sock model
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
