But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
