Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
