i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
