If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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