You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
