Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
