Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize