ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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