Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
