my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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