it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
