youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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