I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
