Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm bleeding and have questions
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
