woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
