This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
