it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
