Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
