I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
