I just saw a hot homeless man
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
His nipple licking is glorious
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