I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
