Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Fuck appropriateness.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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