I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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