I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
