life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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