I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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