So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My feet surprised me
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