Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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