i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
