So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
