I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
