I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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