How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize