dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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