I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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