I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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