your thong is hanging out like whoa
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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