I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
