Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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