I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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