Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
