he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize