Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize