What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
