omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
