It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
