sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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