just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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