Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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