I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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