You smell like stripper and shame
how do flat chested girls get laid?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
