I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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