Barsexuality is the new black.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
