we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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