cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
